4.1 Judi: Archives, trauma and family history

I remember that I was excited, but wary about what I was about to uncover. I soon discovered that whitefella academics could access all files, but the same access was restricted to me. (Judi)

In this section, I will be discussing the Stolen Generations storyline, an area of research that has been written about for decades. Yet there is little written concerning how each Aboriginal person was supported through their journey of finding family, especially through the archives. I will also write about my own experiences during my Honours and Masters research.

In the early 2000s, I was working as a Stolen Generations counsellor. In this role, I supported Aboriginal clients as they were searching for their families. Once a client contacted staff at the Queensland’s State Archives about researching their family history, they would do a search and eventually would send the relevant documents to the client by post. Reading their family documents from various files held in Queensland government archives was at times emotional, and in many instances quite devastating. Occasionally, the information described in family documents was not easy to process or even to comprehend. The new information about their family’s circumstances was often even difficult to share with other family relatives. This put the client on a roller-coaster of emotions, especially with the issue of identity. Each client dealt with their feelings in their own way. I was only there to guide them through their pain. I had to always remember that it was about their family, and to be supportive of their emotional journey. Sometimes, I felt frustrated with the slow progress; but I had to keep reminding myself that it was about their journey, not mine. In addition to assisting them to unravel their past, I endeavoured to provide them with the appropriate tools to cope with the findings.

People of all cultures can experience intergenerational trauma. In this instance, I am referring to Australia’s Indigenous people, many of whom were removed from their homelands under government policies and forcibly transported to unfamiliar places across this country. Aboriginal people were expected to follow the rules dictated by government policies – or face the consequences. There are very few Aboriginal families today who avoided experiencing some form of intergenerational trauma, much of which has never been addressed. Many of my clients who were wanting to find their family had themselves been victims of emotional trauma through their ancestors. Some carried the scars of the past through alcoholism, drug use and mental health issues, and the list goes on. Naturally their emotions were extremely fragile as they read through the government documents revealing distressing information about long-lost loved ones.

Throughout my life, I have also suffered from intergenerational trauma. Both my maternal grandparents (at the ages of 13 years and 19 years) were removed from their homelands and put on an Aboriginal church-run mission. They met on Purga Mission and were married there in 1924. My grandfather spent just over a decade there, before he gained his certificate of exemption. Thereafter, he and his family moved away to live within mainstream society. They never told us about their earlier life or even where they were from. Interestingly, there were various comments going around the family about our heritage. For example, ‘Grandmother was a Māori Princess’; another one was ‘We could pass as Italian’. Both of these I found hard to believe. I grew up not knowing ‘who I was’ or ‘where I belonged’ and over the years that has taken its toll on me.

Sometimes my clients would ask me questions such as ‘Who’s your family?’ and ‘Where are you from?’ Sadly, I didn’t yet know the answers. In 2003, I enrolled in the Honours and later Masters programs at the University of the Sunshine Coast in order to research the Certificate of Exemption for Aboriginal people. I believed that this was a way to go about finding those answers. Part of my studies involved doing research, which was all new to me. However, with help from my supervisors, I was soon able to gain an understanding of what I needed to do.

Before I attempted my research collection, various forms had to be designed to hold the data and the statistics needed to support the research question. As a mature-aged student, I had previously worked in clerical positions; therefore I had an understanding of what was required. My social work degree from the University of Queensland also helped me, as I studied ‘research’ as a subject and did my second placement of a 20-week period of unpaid work in a research-based project located in Cairns, north Queensland. I actually moved up there from Brisbane to be part of the team. The project’s research involved five different Aboriginal sites in far north Queensland. At one stage, I spent two weeks in an Aboriginal community collecting data for the project. I was aware of important community protocols which had to be complied with. It was such an amazing experience, and I learned so much about the cultural practices of that community.

When I began doing my Honours research on the Certificate of Exemption at Queensland State Archives, I made a list of possible areas I wanted to investigate. Armed with pencils, erasers, paper and a purse full of $1 coins for photocopying, I packed my lunch box and then headed off. On arriving, I soon discovered that this was the beginning of a whole new world to me. However, before I could do anything, I had to fill in an application form for my State Archives card, which allowed me to access the library catalogues. I felt so excited to be able to be there and to physically see my family’s story.

Next, I was introduced to the computer and reading room, where I was shown how to access the government’s archives website. Eventually, I became familiar with the records and their categories and how to interpret the filing system. Each file had a serial number, which was needed by the library staff in order to search for the documents. Another staff member would bring the documents to the counter for me to collect. As my research was about the Certificate of Exemption, I was looking at the Aboriginal Department’s files. The resources included the Colonial Secretary’s correspondences, original series, and within them there were many subsections to go through – and so much more! I knew it was going to take a lot of time reading all those documents and taking endless amounts of notes, including where I found the information. There were often times when I thought, ‘Now where did I read about that?’

Ordering specific microfiche rolls was done with help from staff, who also set up the microfiche machine. After I was shown exactly how it all worked, I was on my own. The rolls held years of important research information, so I took my time, in order to not miss any relevant data. Each roll took up to 60 minutes to review from beginning to end, and often longer if I found anything of interest that needed to be noted.

Today, microfiche machines are considered to be old technology, and they are no longer in regular use, due to spare parts being unobtainable. However, the rolls are slowly being digitised and can still provide us with many answers. Modern technology has moved on, and research now can be quickly achieved with a mobile phone and a USB stick, to record the necessary information. Also, much of the research can now be achieved remotely by searching the digitised categories of the Queensland State Archives website. Today, just send an email to the Archives staff with the details of documents required, and eventually they arrive by post – so different from being physically there!

During the four months of gathering my research data, I drove a daily distance of 250 kilometres each weekday to and from the State Archives, in Runcorn, southside Brisbane. Overall, this represented a total distance of over 20,000 kilometres. Therefore, it was very important that I had a reliable car and the time to do the daily trek, and still have time for research. Expenses included car maintenance, fuel, toll fees and photocopying charges. Fortunately, I was awarded a $2,000 scholarship by the local Rotary Club, which largely covered my costs.

With my Honours and Masters research work, I held many community talks about the Certificate of Exemption, and I always had a variety of reactions from those in the audiences. Everything from ‘knowing nothing’, to ‘yes, my ancestors had them’. I can recall at one community talk I was giving on exemptions, I noticed a woman was crying. She got up and went out of the room but stood by the door. After my talk I went and spoke with her. She explained that she was a ‘Stolen Generation survivor’ and that she wasn’t emotionally prepared to see the slides I was showing. I spoke with her for some time, helping her cope with being upset over it. For that very reason, now when I give talks/lectures, I always announce a warning that the slides contain issues that may be upsetting to some. When discussing your research it is important for you to know your audience and to be willing to chat afterwards. We are all human!

Research can be viewed in many varied forms. For instance, it can trigger all degrees of emotions when you are interviewing your target group. On one occasion I was with a group of Aboriginal Elders talking about my research into the Certificate of Exemption. They were certainly not interested in any research, and didn’t they let me know it! They exclaimed, ‘What are you digging up the past for?’ Those hurtful words and much more were verbally thrown at me. I left that room half an hour later with tears in my eyes, wondering why! That incident happened almost 20 years ago, yet the experience still haunts me all these years later.

At various universities, I would often deliver lectures on the topic of ‘The Certificate of Exemption’. The lectures highlighted past injustices perpetrated on Australia’s Indigenous people by various draconian governments. Quite often, after a lecture I would have students wanting to talk with me about their family members who had an exemption. Frequently, some would ask about ways to start looking for family, and I would suggest that they speak with family members first. Then they could contact Link-Up, an Australia-wide organisation that helps those individuals who are ‘searching for family’.^[1]

Recently, I was required to call on my experience as a Stolen Generations counsellor when I was asked to assist Indigenous students in a program called ‘Finding your family’. I am very happy to say that we have had one successful family reunion so far. It is interesting to note that all these years later, the painful emotions felt by past clients are still just as painful for the current students. Being anxious about what is found and what is not found, and the often long time taken to find family, still creates stress and anxiety. Emotions ride high on expectations, and there is always the danger of being let down if information is not available. There were a few times when a student would bring a family member with them for support, and that was fine with me.

In order to help each student in their quest to find their family, I designed four different forms. The first form was for recording all known family members, starting with self, then parents, grandparents, great-grandparents and so on. It is important that people talk with current family members to find out what they know. The second form related to any known district where it was believed their ancestors might be from; for example, a town in western Queensland. I told students of my experience when visiting a district in the search for lost family connections. It is always a good idea to talk to the senior or Elders volunteers; they are often at the information centre located in the town’s centre. They would know the residents living in town and so much more! The third form was for recording websites, including BDM (Births, Deaths and Marriages) in each state, Trove, state archives sites and so many others. Again, I would ask if there were any BDM certificates of family members that they were aware of. Finally, the last form was for notetaking, which allowed each student to keep together all information gathered from various websites, as well as personal communications with family members.

Searching the internet or websites for clues concerning where a family had lived in the past can be very time consuming, but it is often rewarding. I discovered that Trove is a fabulous resource site to explore.^[2] It is part of the National Library website, on which many Australian state and territory newspapers from the 1840s to 1940s have been digitised. All you need to do is ask a question and the response is almost instant, sometimes with answers that you may not have expected. Another helpful website is Ancestry.com, where the Australian muster and electoral rolls are recorded.^[3] They reveal past addresses of individuals at the time of elections. Not only do they reveal addresses but also individual’s job titles and which family members lived at the same address. This information applied to my Aboriginal grandfather, who was exempted in 1926. Because he and his family voted, I could chart their whereabouts through the various electoral rolls over many decades.

Throughout my research studies, it was extremely important that I took care of myself mentally and physically – a process now called ‘wellbeing’. I also tried hard not to neglect those around me, as they were my support team, helping me to manage it all. Researching can become lonely at times. It can also become very addictive and time consuming. It may take ages to find those records you were searching for. Remember, sometimes it is necessary to take a break in order to absorb the information just discovered. From time to time, ‘life happens’ and research is interrupted for a time, and that’s ok. Research is an ever-revolving door that can be started and stopped throughout its journey.